My Epiphany… and Story Time

Today I am going to be doing a very simple tarot exercise. It is an exercise that is often suggested to do daily to flex your intuitive muscle in a playful, fun way. It has many names but I call it the Story Time practice.

On top of that you will get to see my new love, my new tarot soul mate… The Epiphanies Tarot deck by Michele Andres (MysticMentor.com, ephphaniestarot.blogspot.com). Since becoming interested in tarot years and years ago, I have been looking for a modern deck that really spoke to me. I just never really connected to the Rider Waite Smith deck because of it's medieval theme. But recently I found this deck and I just love it.

To do this exercise I will be pulling four cards. Then I will tell a story. A story? What? Yes, it is all about loosening up and getting playful so that your intuition feels safe to emerge. And how is the best way to start a story? With “Once Apon A Time…” of course!

Here are the four cards I pulled:

 

 

So here I go. “Once Apon a Time there was the kingdom of misery. The sky was perpetually dark and gloomy. The parched land was arid, scorched, and nothing green would grow. Few people lived in this kingdom. Few could survive this barren wasteland. Even fewer wanted to try.

 

Now in this land, there lived a young princess. This brave, committed young princess was the only member of the royal family that had not given up on this kingdom and moved on. She was determined to stay with her land and her people, few that there were, because that is what she was born to do. It was her destiny. It was her responsibility. She took neither lightly.

 

In her heart she knew, no matter how dark and imposing things seemed there was sunshine and growth and joy. The princess just needed to find it. She needed to find it and bring it to back to her land. Her majesty knew it would be a daunting task. Having wracked her brain for years to find an answer… to find a way. But deep in her heart she knew she would find a way. The Princess loved her land with all her heart and realized that her love and determination could lead her to the answer. She just needed to work it out. Somehow, she felt deep inside that the answer was on the horizon if only she would be open to it. If only the princess could recognize it…

 

That is it. That is my story.

 

What good is this story? It makes you “see” whatever your intuition wants you to see in the cards. There is no preconceived ideas or question guiding you down a particular path. There is not a structured spread so your intuition is not intimidated into not coming out to play. It is just you and the cards having fun. I think my intuition had quite a lot to say today. I think it is because of these gorgeous cards (smile).

 

This practice is a relaxing fun way to work with your cards. My hope is if you haven't tried it that you might give it a whirl. If you have tried it, I would love to know what you think!

 

Happy Taroting!

 

** Special Permission given by Michele Andres to use her amazing Epiphanies Tarot deck in this blog. If you would like to see this beautiful deck you may find the artist and her deck at: MysticMentor.com, Epiphaniestarot.blogspot.com and Etsy.

 

 

 

 

The start of a new/renewed practice?

Today I decided to stick with the Knight of Cups but to look at a different deck to see if I can learn anymore about how this card can help me see my life. Today I pulled up an image from Steven Bright’s tarot blog Tiferettarot.wordpress.com. My hope is that he will make these blog images into a deck. I love his simple modern take on the cards.

Here is my sketch:

It is a very simple design. As I added color I thought about this version of the card. It is so interesting how this modern images gives much of the same message as the Rider Waite Smith card. The male figure in the card has paused as if in thought. Behind him is a large body of water and what looks like a lighthouse in the distance. What really gets my attention is the big lovely full moon. Under the silvery light of the moon our Knight pauses. There is so much water all around him…even in his cup. And mystery and questions about these emotional issues are highlighted by the moonlight. Is it as it seems by the light of the full moon or is it illusion? Are these emotions as they seem is he not seeing them “in the light of day?” The Knight looks into his cup. Is he comparing his emotions to all of those going on around him? Or is it that he feels as if his life is filled with emotion? Does the lighthouse help lead his way? I don’t see a beam… Maybe the Knight feels like he is adrift without a guide.

I feel like this image is telliing me that although I feel lost in my emotions that my vision is getting clearer. I can use my intuition to help guide me when I can not clearly see what to do (the moon in the darkness and the unlit lighthouse). Emotions are the focus. And again pausing to look. Into myself (my cup) and my life (the landscape).

This image really does sum up how I am feeling. There is a great deal going on in my life emotionally. I will pause knowing the answers won’t be revealed out right, (by the light of day) at least right now. I will need to feel my way and trust. Trust myself and my intuition.

A good lesson from today’s practice. What do you think? Please let me know. Have a wonderful day!

10/10/15 Daily Tarot Practice: “And You Think You Had A Bad Day” Practice

I know, I know… I haven’t posted in a couple of days. I have had issues I have been dealing with and some of my practices were put on the back burner. Which is just plain, silly. Truthfully it only takes a minute to do a practice. So there is really no excuse.

The practice I will be doing today is from Dusty White’s free podcast at http://easytarotlessons.libsyn.com. I did the third lesson on learning reversals. The exercise/game played in this class was “And You Think You Had A Bad Day.” Pull three cards and use it to come up with some quick meanings for reverse of the cards chosen.

The Cards: All Reversed; 9 of swords, Hierophant, 9 of Coins

 

And you thought you had a bad day… well just when I thought that the day wasn’t the worst day possible my worthless brother who thinks he knows everything proceeded to give me an hour lecture on what was wrong with my life. Urrrgh! Then the next door neighbor lady, who is a spends all day in a dirty nightgown sucking on cigarettes, knocked on my door and said I needed to do something about her dead lawn. What the heck? How is it my fault that her lawn is dead because she does nothing to take care of it!!

 

 

Today’s practice includes images from the Morgan-Greer tarot deck by artist Bill Greer. Distributed by U.S. Cards and Games. Available through U.S. Cards and Games or Amazon. If for any reason the images used in my tarot practice causes any problems due to copyright issues, please let me know right away and all images will be removed and ceased to be used.

 

 

Daily Tarot Practice: Commonalities and Differences

I am pulling two cards today. I will compare and contrast them to one another.

The cards: 2 of Cups (reversed) and 7 of Wands.

Commonalities: They both have a yellow sky… without clouds or storms. They both include people. For the most part these two cards are more different then they are alike.

Differences: 2 of Cups has a lush green background full of trees. The 7 of Wands is set in the desert. 2 of Cups has two people and the 7 of Wands only has one (that we can see). In the 2 of Cups, a man and a woman face each other in profile. On the 7 of Wands, the figure is facing forward. The action on the 2 of cups card seems serene, two people enjoying each others company… enjoying a drink… The two are concerned with each other. While the 7 of Wands card is filled with action. The gentleman in the card is in a defensive posture. Are the wands in the foreground being held by interlopers? Will the gentleman have to do more than defend and stand his ground will he be involved in a battle. A battle where he is sadly outnumbered? The 2 of Cups was reversed when drawn and the 6 of Wands was upright.

 

9/23/15 One Card Tarot Practice

Have to be at work early today, so it will be another One Card Practice.

The Card: 6 of Cups.

First Impression: This is a Minor Arcana so it will be about day-to-day life. It is a Cup so it will be about emotions.

There are a whole lot of beautiful flowers in this card – that must be a good sign. A boy gives a flower to a girl. Could I be expecting a gift? I know this card often times represents happy memories of the past or something from the past coming to positive fruition in the now. I am unsure how you “see” that in this card – I am sure the original Rider-Waite card probably portrayed that a bit better. That is probably why it is a good idea to have a basic knowledge of general assigned meanings of each card. What images you will see on a particular card, from deck to deck, will vary. With that variance, some of the meanings that were apparent with the Rider-Waite deck, might not be so distinct. So why don’t I learn with Rider-Waite? I have tried that. The people portrayed in the cards just don’t do it for me. I love the landscapes but I am definitely uninspired by the people. My Morgan-Greer deck just makes me eager to practice every morning – something I had never been able to get myself to do with Rider-Waite.

It will be interesting to see what today will bring. Have a great day!

 

Single Card Pull

Really down today. I am using my practices to add something positive to a seemingly very blue day. Today I will do a single pull. As I shuffle I will ask what can I do to feel better.

I shuffled my Morgan-Greer deck and this is the card I pulled.

image

The Card: 9 of Coins.

My first impressions. She’s beautiful and that’s my mother.

The woman on the card does not really look anything like my mother use to (she passed away about ten years ago). It is more of a feeling. The flamboyant, lovely individualistic nature of the woman looking out from this card reminds me of my mother. Is my mother sending me her love? What can my mom teach me today? To just be who I am. To stand up for myself. It does make me feel better, at least a little bit, thinking about her.

That’s all for today. Have a good one.

9/22/2015 Three Card Tell A Story Practice

This morning I decided to do another “Tell A Story” practice. This practice is not designed to impart any information. Its purpose is to help me get comfortable tying the cards together.

My Cards:

6 of Wands, The Moon and Temperance

First Impressions: Although this practice is designed just to tell a story I always like to practice getting an overview. I have one Minor Arcana and Two Major Arcana.

The Story. Gallant Knight has been on the front fighting for victory for years and years. His determination, sound strategy, and patience has allowed him to prevail. He and his men have won. They have won a hard fought victory. Today is his homecoming. Gallant Knight returns home to respect, gratitude and cheers. It feels good to arrive home victorious! But in the dark of night, Gallant wonders. Visions of the ugly side the war hound him. Miseries of the past war come back to haunt him. In the dark shadows of night the knight is afraid. Terrors of his mind seem so real. Dark and foreboding dreams keep him from sleep. It is in the minutes before dawn that he has a vision. A vision of what morning will bring. Clarity. The vision in his dream whispers that balance is needed. To heal from the dark, hidden, wounds of war he will need to work hard on recovering a balance to his life without “the good fight”.

That’s my story… and I am sticking to it. Happy Tuesday!

 

One Card, One Question Practice

This weekend has been very emotionally difficult for me. I am having a really hard time dealing with issues at work, that I really have little control over. It has me tied up in knots emotionally and I am unsure how to get past my worries and the emotions they bring.

I pulled one card: “How can I feel better?” or “What do I need to know about the situation to feel better?” are the two questions I kept in my mind when I shuffled.

 

 

The card: The 7 of Swords. Swords – thoughts and challenges. Yep. But isn’t this the thief card? Maybe I feel like my job is taking away my power. I feel robbed and unequipped to do my job? But how can I read this card in a way that will answer my question? I recognize the thief. I see him for what and who he is. Yes, he has put me at a disadvantage but I still have tools left to use. I need to be all the thief is not: honest, above-board, hard-working and not give in to the easy way out (such as thievery). It will be difficult but my focus should be on what I can do (the two swords I have left), what I have at my disposal to move forward.

 

That’s the best I can come up with. Happy Sunday!

 

One Card Practice

It’s Saturday and I have been doing my tarot practice for a week! Yippie Skippie! The not so yippity skippity part of the day is that I have to go into work for half a day. Yucko! So I am a bit hurried this morning. For a more hurried day, I have found that a one card practice, is just the thing. It is a quick little practice perfect for a time crunched day.

As I shuffle my cards today, I thought to myself, “What card do I need to see today?” My shuffling routine is simple. I riffle shuffle and cut my deck three times. My hope is that my deck knows my habit so “it” can put just the right card in the right place. I have read that you need to shuffle until you “know” it is time to stop so that the “card/s” can get to the “right” place. Either I am not doing it correctly or I just am not in the know, but that technique just never worked for me. The times I tried it I just never felt anything… on top of which I kept wondering if I was doing it right, should I stop now… should I keep shuffling… At least for now, having a specific practice has been one less thing to worry about (if I am doing it right). I am hopeful that synchonicity will put the cards I need in the right place, whichever way I shuffle.

My card today: 5 of Swords.

Initial Impression: Hmmm. I have seen this card recently. It came up during my “Work Question” practice. It is a Sword. That means thoughts, concerns, and challenges. Swords are Minor Arcana so this card deals with daily issues.

5 of Swords: Interesting card, the portion dealing with people pictured is gray and in shadow and yet the background is bright yellow with a beautiful big orange sun sinking into the ocean horizon. Water in the background. The figures in the card do not look happy. The cloaked man in the foreground has three swords and has definitely over come the men retreating in the background.

My meaning: Defeat. Feeling beaten down. Why? This card brings up this week exactly. I had thought things were going well at work and suddenly it all went to crap. I felt like everything was going my way and the tide turned and I pulled under by an undertow. And it made me mad and bitter at the bearer of this news. It was so utterly discouraging.

 

It is now 5pm: This card certainly was an omen of what was in store for me at work today. By the time my meetings were over, I felt like one of the wee downtrodden figures in the background. If there was any rays of sunlight about the day, I couldn’t see them… all I saw was defeat and impending doom. I think this card was telling me what to expect but to focus on the light, positive things of the day. I just don’t know how to. It is a challenge I need to work on.  Maybe tonight will be better

 

9/18/15 Daily card with a Plus

Good morning. Today my plan was to pull one card to tell me about my day. I got more than I bargained for when one of the cards jumped right out of the deck at me. So today will be a two card day.

While I was shuffling the deck, the Queen of Rods jumped out. So I set her down, since she was so eager to be a part of my day, and picked my main card: 6 of Coins… in Reverse.

 

First Impressions: A reverse card, I seem to be getting lots and lots of those. Hmmm. I am thinking I have lots and lots of issues going on in my life right now that I either need to be aware of or am struggling with. Two Minor Arcana have appeared today, so today’s focus is on daily issues. 6 of Coins seems to have a money focus. Wands, as in my deck jumping Queen of Rods, have to do with action. Did she appear to tell me how best to deal with the 6 of Coins card?

 

What I see:

6 of Coins. I know a bit about this card without looking. This card can mean spending money or donating. When I saw this card the first thing that came to mind: A co-worker just had her first grandchild, I know everyone will be bringing in gifts for her and the baby…and I am just not into it today. It would mean going out early this morning and trying to find something at one of the few stores that are open. And the truth is, I am just not feeling it… at least not today. In the past I have forced myself to do this kind of thing because “I should” not because I want to. I am trying to break away from that kind of thinking but it is really hard. All I think of is – what kind of a rotten person doesn’t want to make time to get a gift for their friend. Or, on the other hand, it could be as simple as I need to pay my bills. I suspect I better look through them to see if any are close to being due.

Queen of Wands. She’s the mother of all doing. So whatever it is, I have a sneaky suspicion, this is a sign I should be doing something. This queen looks like she does everything with ease, insight, and creativity.

 

So what do these cards mean: I am still unsure. Yes, they could be telling to get that present… but I am so worn out and I am still not feeling it. Paying my bills? Could be. I wouldn’t do that until tonight anyway.

I have the day to discover the answer … unless I should get a gift… and my time is running out for that.

 

 

9/17/15 Two Card a Day Spread

This is a spread I read about this morning on the blog Little Red Tarot. Instead of pulling one card for the day, you pick two.

My two cards: 2 of Cups and Ace of Wands. Both these cards are Minor Arcana so they will deal with my everyday life.

Similarities. In both images hands are grasping the suit item. Both have lush green backgrounds. The two of cups has a bright yellow sky while the Ace of wands has a light blue sky with lots of big puffy clouds. Both skys seem positive. Maybe the 2 of Cups is closer to sunrise or sunset?

The two of cups shows two people, a man and a women, close, looking towards one another. (Even though the woman is looking to the right and could be looking toward the wands, I don’t think she is. I think the male figure looking back at her is holding her attention.) I am unsure if the two figures are in a relationship or symbolize two parts of myself coming together. Cups are for emotions so I am figuring this card deals with my emotions (which is to be expected, I have been very emotional in the last few days…probably not in such a good way.)Maybe I need to merge my female emotional self more with my tough, assertive male self to help even out these emotions Something to think about.

Ace of Rods. A new beginning. Action. A new endeavor? A new passion? It will be interesting to see what this card means as the day progresses. Will blog more this evening after I see what this day holds.

 

9/16/15 Tarot Practice

Today I am going to use the “In the News” practice from the book Intuitive Tarot: Learn Tarot Instantly by Kelly Wallace. So I will pull three cards about something that is about to happen in the news in the next day or two… then see how I did. The news event: the Republican Debate tonight.

 

I pulled the 5 of Swords, the 7 of Cups Reversed, and The Fool. I have the one Major Arcana card that speaks of things long-lasting, not typical day-to-day concerns. Then there is the reverse card that means something that needs to be really paid attention to or is something that has been an ongoing struggle.

5 of Swords. Somebody who has overcome his challengers? Or is it that his challengers have given up? If The Donald was being represented by the man in the cloak with the three swords than it look like he is a victor. Now does this mean he will be the victor tonight? Or does it mean that he has become the front-runner? I tend to think he has become the front-runner because he has gotten out in front of the other candidates.

7 of Cups in Reverse. This is something to really be on the lookout for: All the choices? So maybe this card is saying look beyond Donald Trump to all the choices. Another option would be to say that all the options are distracting, but right now, that really doesn’t seem to be the case. Yes there are a lot of candidates in the race, but I don’t think the number is necessarily distracting because it seems like most of them have bowed out into the background. So, I really do think that this card is saying to really evaluate all of the choices.

The Fool. When I see this card I think of a newbie… someone without any experience starting on a new path. I feel like for a long time, more and more people have been getting fed up with the political business as usual up in Washington D.C. This feeling has seemed have been growing over a long period of time… people have just been getting disillusioned with croanie politics. So, the Fool could represent Donald Trump. He is new to politics. But somehow I don’t feel like that is exactly it. Why? I don’t think of him as full of youthful, innocent energy. I think this card is saying that what will be represented is not the usual intrenched politicians playing a political game. The candidate/s that will shine will be the ones that don’t have a history in politics. That could mean The Donald or it could mean Dr. Carson. Somehow I kind of think, in the end, Dr. Carson will shine brightest because of his more pure and innocent nature in the political realm.

What do you think? I will write an update after the debate and let you know how I accurate I think this reading was.

 

 

The Deck of Many Decks

In my search for the perfect tarot deck… before I rediscovered the Morgan Greer deck, I was in a quandry. I had several decks where I really liked lots of the cards but really didn’t like the others. For instance, the Fool card in the Anna K deck is probably my very favorite fool of all (I do wish he had a dog companion, but heck you can’t have everything!) And I like many of the Anna K cards but there are quite a few I just don’t care for. The Witches Tarot is another deck. A lot of the cards are really nice and follow along with the Rider-Waite traditions but some of them are completely off that track and I didn’t care for that. Since my intention all along was to find a deck I could be comfortable enough to pull out and use in front of other people to practice and really learn tarot once and for all… I wanted to start at the beginning and learn with a deck close to the Rider-Waite tradition. Then there is the Mystic Faerie Tarot. I love the images on all these cards but the minors have a completely different “story” than Rider-Waite.

Then there are the dreaded Devil and Death cards. If the devil is okay in one deck it seemed like I didn’t care for most of the other cards, if I liked most of the cards in a deck, most of the time the devil was freakin’ scary. Hanson-Roberts is like that for me. Playing with the cards in front of someone that I think has doubts about the “evilness or wrongness” of tarot cards… and coming up with the Hanson-Roberts devil I imagine would put them over the edge. Creepy-Creepy. (Since that was the only card I just couldn’t deal with in that deck, I took a white-out pen and made the creepy devil disappear – which helped.) Death cards generally aren’t the most friendly, and some decks are better than others.

Not having happened apon the Morgan Greer deck yet… I decided to be an absolute rebel and make a deck out of all the best of the decks I had… at least the ones with similar size. Most of my decks were the same size except for the Anna K and that deck was wider across. So I got out my scissors and trim, trim, trimmed. And Voila, I had a new deck.

I know, I know, the backs would all be different. How could I possible use a deck with all those different backs… wouldn’t I be able to guess what card was coming up? Well, maybe. But generally, I shuffle the deck three time by the riffle method and just use the top cards one right after another. So what, if I might happen to guess what the cards were before I turned them face up. I would be turning them face up sometime and it is not like the backs would change how I shuffled the cards… or what order they ended up in.

And the truth is, I probably never would have used these decks on thier own. Although it is not the deck I am using now for my practices… it is a deck I see myself using, sometime.

For now I am really loving the Morgan Greer deck. I just love the way the artist portrayed the people. They seem so warm and inviting. And the colors are really nice. There are only two cards I really don’t like, Strength and of course, the Devil. The lion on the Strength card is not my cup of tea. I know it is a stylized lion but I just hate how it looks… I have so many other Strength cards with awesome lions… why couldn’t the lion be more like the traditional maned lion? I would swap that card out in a minute if it wasn’t for the brave lass taming that very lion. She is beautiful, the card is beautiful, it matches the beauty of the entire deck… As much as I reeeeeaaaaaallllllyyyyyyy don’t like that lion I can’t disrupt this gorgeous deck because of that one element. As for the devil, I guess I will keep it for now… but that one really does have the chance of being swapped out!

9/15/15 Tarot Practice

Todays practice exercise is going to be, “3 Card Story Tarot Reading” from Intuitive Tarot: Read The Tarot Instantly by Kelly Wallace.

These are the cards I pulled:

In the five of cups our hero is discouraged. He has had a terrible loss. Although the loss was great, and for now his grief and discouragement is all he seems to be able to focus on, he has not lost everything. There are some mighty fine things still left in his life, if only he would see them. Will he? Will our brave, down and out hero be able to breakout of his disillusionment and begin to realize that there is more than just loss that he can focus on? Or will he remain stuck?

Page of Cups. Our brave hero, has worked through his negative emotions and is ready to really appreciate and experience the wonderful things that remain in his life. Not only can he now focus on the good things in his life, but surprise, there is something there he was completely oblivious to. What surprise has our hero found?

The Lovers. Our hero has found love, in the most unexpected place. A relationship that he considered just a friendship has surprised him by turning into a deep, passionate, committed love. Who would have thought in the aftermath of his tragedy that he would find the love that had been there, unrecognized, all along.

How was that? What do you see? What would your story be?

 

The first practice dealing with a real life issue

Originally, I was going to do one of the games that is suggested in the book Intuitive Tarot: Read the Tarot Instantly by Kelly Wallace. You pick a news story that will probably resolve in the next few days and pull cards to get a beat on what is going on. Once the issue is really resolved, you can see how accurate your reading was. If I were to do this exercise, I would be hiding from the main issue in my life right now, something I do frequently but would really like to stop.

So, instead, I will be pulling three cards (because I want as more information than just one card can give) today to tell me what I need to know about my issues at work (if you care to read about them they are in the “history” below.

 

I pulled Strength, 9 of wands reversed (for reversed cards I turn them right side up and put them on my pink template so I can recognize the card was reversed but can still easily read it) and 6 of wands.

And I actually smile. Yes, these cards will definitely describe what is going on at work. Looking at these cards in the most general way, I see one Major Arcana and two cards dealing with Wands.

And the Major Arcana card is Strength, something I need to cultivate more of in my life. Yes, it has been a life theme for a while now. I am the people pleaser, and generally it hard for me to have the courage to stand up and cause any kind of problem, legitimate or not. I tend to take the burden on my shoulders, deal with it quietly, and stress myself out all to keep things at a quiet unassuming status quo. So, the Strength card is saying to me that I need to find my inner courage and put it to use.

The 9 of wands reversed. Wands are about doing. This reversed wand is saying either I have a particular challenge doing or I need to be really aware. But what doing is the card describing? Guarding? I should know from all my tarot reading what this card means in the most general way… but I don’t remember so I will have to rely on what its images are telling me. There are many wands behind this knight, I read that as lots and lots of work, lots of battles that he has seen and he has persevered. He is out in front of them. As a reversed card, I take this as my challenge. I need to find courage and get out in front of my problems.

6 of wands. The wreath and the knight on horseback symbolize to me: Victory. What an awesome card to get. Cultivating and using my inner strength and courage I can persevere through these trials. Wow!

It is absolutely amazing to me that on my second tarot practice, one that the topic had lots of meaning and emotion to me, that the cards could tell me something that addressed the situation so spot on. It seems utterly magical (as in the magic the world can bring with all its amazing coincidences, beauty, complexities…)

Good one. What do you see in these cards? I would love for you to comment about how you read these cards… intuitively or any other way. Have a great day!

 

 

History of the issue (you can skip this if you want, it is rather mundane, if you aren’t living it) At work, about a month or so ago, they changed my position. I work at a big doctors office with several offices and several doctors. It is my job to go over all the individual charges for the day before and make sure they have all been entered correctly so the claims aren’t rejected by the insurance companies which delays payment. It certainly wasn’t a sexy job and I always felt crunched for time because I had to get through the entire days claims, or else. A month ago they decided that instead of having the two people at each office that do check-out enter all the charges for the day, that they would just have a group of four people at one site do them all. This drastic change in job structure has come about because the Coding system for sending charges to insurance is going to completely change in October and if the claims aren’t correctly coded with the new systems, payment will be delayed. The hope is that these four people will learn the new coding system and go over each charge as they are putting it in to make sure it is correct before the charges are sent to insurance. Unfortunately, the steps included in charging out and checking the claims takes a lot more time than management has decided it should take. Management also determined that I should be able to handle all the charges of three offices. I officially started doing my new job on Thursday and Friday, last week. I started with two offices and on Friday was expected to easily handle three. Also, one of the other girls was sick and the only other person available ended up having to do two really big offices. By 11:00 am I knew I was severely in the weeds. I wasn’t able to keep up and didn’t feel comfortable asking for help because the one other person who was able to do the job had double the work already. I didn’t think I was that slow but obviously I am, I wasn’t done doing all the charging until 8:30 Friday night (having started at 8:30 am). Mind you, I didn’t take a lunch, or breaks, or even get up out of my chair (which is physically REALLY bad and hard on me). I knew I was under the gun and was trying my best to focus and get done. I even watched my colleague do her charging to see if maybe the way she does it is faster, because she didn’t seem to have any problems getting everything done for her two offices but I do it in a very similar way. The big boss, even stopped and asked how it was going to which I said I would have to get back to her on Monday after I finished the day. (I didn’t go into how far behind I was… she would have only given part of my work to the other girl – and she had enough already). As she was leaving my boss said, two people should easily be able to do 5 offices if they had to. Seriously?

The point is: I am too slow. Or maybe this position really isn’t for me. I don’t mind doing the work involved but obviously I don’t want to be a detriment to the other people I work with and I don’t want them having to take the bulk of my work to get it done. It is really hard to admit that I can’t do the work and successfully complete it and it has been tying me up in knots all weekend. I really don’t want to keep this job if I have to be given a lesser load to complete it. That seems really unfair to the other people in my team that are going to be doing it with me. My old position will be going away… so if this position doesn’t work… I am unsure if there will be any position available for me to go to.

I don’t really know how to address the situation on Monday. I have NEVER been good at confrontation and there is a lot riding on this one. As stressed out as this situation has mad me, I would love the just chuck the job entirely, but unfortunately my kitties, my husband and I like to eat and have a house to sleep in, so that probably isn’t the best option. 😦